I thought I'd start with this one because it's where I started in Gelb's book. Identifying you values can be difficult. Narrowing down 10 is even more difficult. More difficult than that is to rank those 10. However, since I've done so and really believe my list is correct (thinking of situations and realizing I'd choose one of the other), I have found difficult situations easier to manage. I know what's important to me.
10. Beauty
I know that might be unexpected from a girl who wears yoga pants and her hair in a pony tail every day, but aesthetic is important to me and it always has been. However, when I think of Beauty as a value, I think of art, music, architecture, nature, etc. I find it so important to treasure the beauty in the world, and it breaks my heart when I hear of beautiful things being destroyed.
9. Health
This one seems to be reflected in my career choices. I was a phys ed major at UM and now I'm working in Campus Recreation. However, I also feel very strongly that mental health still has a stigma and is largely ignored when talking about communities that celebrate wellness. I plan to do some studies on that in my doctoral program. Campuses always struggle with wellness, and they generally have a fitness center of some sort, health center, and counseling center. The problem is that these three things are so split, and on many campuses, they do not value each other's work. I spent a lot of time being active and encouraging others to be active, but I know students struggle with mental health issues (as the 20's are a common time for onset of many disorders) and they don't know the counselors and they don't know who else to tell for fear of judgement. Anyways, that's my soap box.
To help with the rankings, I thought I'd give some examples of choices. I'd choose Health over Beauty. For example, I've never been tanning at a tanning salon. I'm perfectly comfortable staying pasty and white.
8. Awareness
I've found the people I like best are the most aware. In general that means that they reflect on their experiences and that they have experiences worth reflecting on. I have trouble respecting anyone's opinion who has never considered alternatives. How do you know you know something if you've never considered other options? And even when you have, have you considered all of the options? Do you examine where your opinions come from and examined them? If not, I probably don't want to hang out with you.
I'd choose Awareness over Health. Without that, I'd be Chris Trager. If you don't know who that is, wait for my Top 10 TV shows currently on TV.
7. Originality
This seems like a weird value to have in my top ten... unless you've known me since I was little. I never cared about being like anyone else. In fact, I'm a little jealous of my teenage self who WANTED to be totally UNLIKE everyone else. How the heck did my parents do that? I wore mismatched Christmas socks year round, my senior pictures were taken in a grey henley shirt decorated with weird charms on a chain including the key from a soda can, and I don't believe I spoke to my mom about make up until I graduated COLLEGE. What a weirdo. Besides loving to have my own thing in everything I do, I love when others have their own thing. And when places have their own thing. Some examples of my favorite places include all of the hippie liberal college towns like Ann Arbor, Austin, and Berkley, as well as places like New Orleans with its own wonderful look, food, music, people, and grit; Paris with its beauty and its expectation that everyone respect that beauty by making an effort to be beautiful while there; Las Vegas with its total lack of any culture whatsoever; and Philadelphia with (mainly quirky) art everywhere you look. There are plenty more but mostly I'm saying I'll likely never live in the suburbs.
I'd choose Originality over Awareness, like how I flipping love weirdo hippy towns even when they don't realize that it's a bit much... Berkley. Ha.
6. Kindness
Lately I've realized how important this is too me. If you are kind all the time, you have nothing to regret. Sure, people might say, I wish I hadn't been so nice to that person who totally screwed me over, but when you think about it, if you were genuinely kind in your actions, why should you ever feel bad about that? You shouldn't. Since I've realized this, I've become anti-revenge. I don't see the point. I want to be a good person who does good things and no one is going to change that about me.
I'd choose Kindness over Originality. It'd be hard to do, but I see no reason not to be kind to everyone, no matter how much they are paper dolls of everyone around them. Everyone deserves kindness.
5. Authenticity
I had trouble picking a word for this one: truth, genuineness... However, I think authenticity embodies what I like about both of those things. The truth is important. I hate when people say that others can't handle the truth and thus should believe a lie. That's condescending and leave people to make decisions based on untruths. Also, sometimes, just sometimes, I think kindness is more important than the truth. And other times, just a few other things, I really love to lie. I just love it. But only for fun. I do my best not to lie when it might do anything than entertain all that are involved. I thought next about being genuine, which is close too, but that seems to apply more to people, where I believe in truth in science and such too, and genuineness doesn't quite embody that. Authenticity though, that seems to let me keep my lies and kindness. I want people and things to be authentic. It also gives me reason to want people to be loyal without requiring them to be blindly loyal. I do not believe in blind loyalty. I think everyone should question things when appropriate. However, if you are authentic, at least you aren't going to say one thing and then do another, thus becoming completely disloyal. So authenticity is my word for this ideal.
I did say that sometimes I will pick Kindness over Authenticity BUT most of the time, I would prefer Authenticity, mostly because I think when people think they are being nice, they are actually just being kind in the short term and damaging in the long term, or they are being disloyal and have convinced themselves that they are just being kind by keeping secrets and telling lies. I only choose Kindness over Authenticity when it is a small matter, like giving empty compliments, or at least keeping silence instead of making someone feel bad.
4. Relationships (family & friends)
It is only within the last few years that I realized just how important my friends and family are to me. I also realized how important it is to choose important relationships based on the people who will support you in becoming the person you want to be. I believe in surrounding yourself with people who are different than you, so they can help you learn and grow, but they should want you to live your values. My family has always done that for me. They have supported me in my pursuit of all of these listed values. My friends have not always done so, so I have made the tough decision to cut people out of my life who distract me from living my values AND to truly appreciate the people who push me to pursue them. Those who fall in between are fine but do not get to be a priority in my life until I feel strongly one way or another. I used to have trouble focusing on the people who hurt me, and that was so unfair to the people who were good for me. I have made a strong effort to spend my time on the good, not the bad, appreciating them and supporting them in their pursuits as well. (Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.)
I ranked Relationships over Authenticity because sometimes when a friend is in a difficult situation, you have to listen and let them learn their own lessons, not yours. I feel that if I put Authenticity above my Relationships, I would give my opinion when it was not needed or asked and it might damage those relationships.
3. Fun
Yes, I think Fun is important. Very important. I mean, again, look at my resume. I just don't see the point of life with no fun. In fact, I don't see the point of life without a lot of fun. Of course we have to do some work. I even enjoy my serious work - yes, I do a little serious work. It's important to feel fulfilled with the things you do in your life. But then have fun. Lots of fun.
I put Fun over Relationships. Yes, I did. I thought a lot about it and I probably would not have a close relationship with anyone who didn't allow me to have fun. Luckily, I come from a Fun Family. That's probably why I value Fun so much.
2. Growth
Like I mentioned earlier, feeling fulfilled is important to me too. That's why Growth is important to me. I'm addicted to learning and doing new things and to improve at the things I already do. I take classes - lately in mosaic, soldering, and writing workshops. I join teams - lately softball, volleyball, and broomball. I listen to NPR. I watch fake news. I read, watch movies, travel, stuff. There's so much to do and see in the world. I want as much of it as I can.
I picked Growth over Fun because I am willing to put learning above playing around. I'm going to get a doctoral degree instead of staying in a job where playing sports during the day is accepted and encouraged.
1. Integrity
There's nothing more important to me than my integrity. If it weren't, I don't know why anyone would trust me or believe a word I say. I have values and ideals I live by and if I don't stick by them, I have nothing.
I picked Integrity over Growth because if I had the choice to get ahead by sneaking around the system, I wouldn't. I want to be the person who does the right thing, matter how difficult that may be.
Some other close calls: Tradition, Community, Humor, Independence... I'm not sure what order.
Knowing my values has helped shaped my life and has helped me make decisions that are helping me become the person I want to be. Get Gelb's book if you want to explore more about this yourself.
